My Stupid Brain
Last night, I’m driving home from our first rugby practice after a holidays hiatus, when I notice it’s getting hard to see out of my windshield. It had rained while we were on the pitch, so my windshield is pretty splotchy, plus the lights in that area are kind of crazy – I figure it’s that. But then, I realize it’s getting worse, and it just seems to be on the right side of the street. With this kind of dawning dread, I lift my left hand and cover my left eye with my palm to realize that what I fear is true – I can’t see out of my right eye.
So I do what anyone would do – I fucking panic and pull into the parking lot of a Popeye’s Chicken. I call Matt, say, “I know it sounds crazy, but I just went blind in my right eye,” and he says, “Where are you? I’ll be right there,” and then I tell him and then I wait. I decide to call my dad.
Everyone knows my family is positively cancer-ridden, but to add more fun to the whirlpool of genetic diseases, macular degeneration was recently added to the mix. That is running through my head, and so is my LASIK surgery of a few years ago – I want to find out from my Dad what macular degeneration looks like.
He helps to calm me down, makes sure Matt is on his way to get me, and makes me promise to get to a doctor. After we hang up, I notice something – I can sort of see again. It’s clearing up.
At first, it was like a jigsaw puzzle with some pieces gone, only the missing pieces are the only parts of the real world I can see, and everything else is just… blank. Not black, not grey. Just nothing. Very strange. Then, there were just pinpricks of white light coming through the nothing. Then, slowly, as it cleared up, the puzzle pieces disappeared and I could see more and more.
I call Matt and tell him I think I can drive again. While I’m trying to find a gas station (yep, empty tank!) my Dad’s girlfriend calls. Ginny is a nurse.
“Jamie, your dad told me your symptoms and I know what’s happening. You are having a migraine.”
“But, my head doesn’t hurt.”
“I know, it doesn’t have to. Full or partial vision loss, especially just in one eye? It’s a migraine. Go home, get some rest, get a good night’s sleep, and get a doctor’s appointment in the morning.”
“Ginny, it scared the SHIT out of me.”
“I would imagine! Especially the first time, not knowing what’s going on.”
“Well, migraines suck,” I say. “But it’s a weird sort of relief, to know what it probably is. I truly thought I was going blind.”
“I know, I told your dad – ‘I’m going to call her right now and give her some peace of mind.’ Dear, you’re having a migraine.”
That sense of relief is giving way to a sense of Oh, Crap, because I’ve been doing some research on the internet today and it turns out migraines really DO suck, and it looks like there’s a decent chance it’s going to get worse.
But at least I’m not struck blind.