9 Stories
Things I have done since my last entry:
1. Watched Dave Chappelle’s Block Party, then tried, in vain, to work hip-hop slang into my everyday vocabulary. Try as I might, I just can’t pull it off. And believe me – I was going HARD for ironic shock value. No dice.
2. Spilled a glass of wine all over the table in the middle of a busy Italian restaurant. I was swirling it around like a tiny whirlpool while I talked, but the liquid’s momentum eventually gained strength then proved to be too much, and ripped the glass from my hands. Shared Sicilian pizza with a man one table over, and he bought me a new glass. Karma.
3. Won a bet. Won the right to put a wax strip on the body hair of a person who will remain anonymous, and let ‘er rip.
4. Picked up 4 college freshman girls at the airport, drove them to the Keys, rode around in a boat with them, and drove them back.
Here’s the tally in that area:
Number of crying jags: 1
Number of arguments: 2
Number of new piercings: 1
Number of fake IDs: 0
Number of girls taken to the ER with suspected sun poisoning: 1
Add some puking and an STD, and I think you have what some call a “classic Spring Break.”
5. Had a refresher course for a secret handshake.
6. Sleepwalked naked. This ended with me trying to crawl into bed with my cousin, realizing my mistake, then making a nude sprint back to my bedroom. Fortunately, she’s used to me doing weird shit.
7. Got a sunburn.
8. Worked a 4 a.m. to noon shift, two days in a row.
9. Hung out with Arthur Fonzarelli.